Sometimes I wonder why I stick around in YFC. Or maybe I just like the idea of having a place to hang around. But I really hate it when there's an activity where not everyone can attend, and then when the people who attended return, they rub it off in the others' faces how much fun they had with them. Oh well. And now they expect me to join the ILC (International Leaders Conference) when I have lots of things to worry about (finals, the money, Playshop, my own life)?

Oh well, you can't please everyone. They can't expect me to be with them 24/7. I won't go to the ILC, no matter how much they convince me how fun it'll be.

I hung around with Ari in South Mall yesterday after school. When we were walking around on the second floor, I suggested we just hang around the railing. Then he tried to get me to lean over it, being the acrophobic that I am. Then he changed his mind. He wanted me to lean over the railing on the third floor! Eep. He even joked that if he were to marry me, he'd want us to be married while sky-diving or scuba-diving. I don't know whether he was really joking or not on both parts of what he said or either or whatever. ^_^

Anyway, every time I even try to look over the railing, my heart would pump double overtime. I don't know why I grew up with acrophobia. I hate it. Anyway, Ari said that eventually I have to face it, and someday it'll be me up there, looking down. I just said that even if I did get up to the top, there was no other way but down. But then he gave me something else to consider: when I'm up at the top, I could still maintain it. Wow, I never even thought of that.