Ahahaha, another journal? Oh no! I can't believe I'm about to use another journal. Thanks to Jill's convincing plug, I think I'll use this simultaneously with Blurty.

I love hearing mass at 8pm. The choir singing during that time is always the San Lorenzo boys choir, and when they sing, it makes me feel like it's Christmas every week.

Hehehe, just wanted to share that piece of randomness.

I've been looking at my public journal in Blurty. Sometimes, I feel as if I sound so plastic in some entries. I always seem perky and act as if everything's all right with my life, when in truth, I don't always view things through rose-colored glasses. I guess I just don't want people to be affected. I don't want to trouble people with all the things that's been going on in my head.

Or maybe I still have this thing about trust. I never tell anyone what I think and feel. Well, except maybe Iam and Rosa. I don't even have to tell Ari because that guy can worm everything out of me. Gr... (*sarcastic tone*) the perks of having a guy best friend that used to be your boyfriend. Anyway, I hardly talk to people that way.

Weirdness. I've always been afraid to share. Even back when I was still an active member of YFC, whenever we have households, I was always the quiet observer, never the talker or the one who shares. The only time I had to share then was when Let told me that I had to be the one to share after Kel's talk during one youth camp.

Oh well.

Mother dearest is nagging at me again. Gr...

Usually, she's partly the reason why I hardly stay at home. She always thinks of some way to tell me how I'm not helping around the house. Like yesterday. She did this whole speech while I'm getting ready for rehearsal that I haven't helped her with the chores. Uhm, hello? She should understand how much I've been busting my ass at school and work for her and Dad. And she tells me that she feels that I'm just a boarder in a dorm, just going home to eat and sleep?

What about Kuya? He's doing the same thing as well, and yet she never complains. Just because he's already working professionally doesn't give her the excuse to focus all the bad vibes on me, or pamper him with everything he wants.

I remember the last time my mom and I really talked. She and Dad told me that there isn't any favoritism anymore. But how come it's still evident that it's there?

And here I am, trying to do my best to make my parents proud, but it goes unnoticed. My 'rents are always singing praises about my brother's work. But what about me? They're always just sitting there, watching me, waiting for me to do one mistake after another and complain about them. Won't they ever be proud of what I've been doing?

I guess I have to wait til I graduate til that happens. Too bad I have plans of moving out soon after that. And they don't even know about it.

I can't believe I'm ranting again.

I heard from Peachy that her friend Camille had passed away a few days back. I heard that she commited suicide because her boyfriend had cheated on her.

She's the 2nd girl who's a friend of friend that commited suicide.

First, it was Elaine Go, my best friend Rosa's thesis mate. She had a huge argument with her mom that she took pills and had a seizure.

And now it's Camille Ilustre, a dear friend of Peachy, who, I've heard, hung herself in front of her boyfriend's house.

Even back then, as I went with Rosa to Elaine's wake, I keep thinking, what was running in this girl's head that made her think that she doesn't have a way out? She had a lot going for her, with her thesis and all, and only a few months left before she graduates so she can finally have something to show to her parents.

As for Camille, it breaks my heart just to see a friend of hers so down and depressed right now. Is that how much she loved her boyfriend? When I heard that was the reason, my heart ached for her, but why would she choose to do such a thing? I guess we'll never find out what she was thinking.

It's just so sad to hear such young girls leave us when Someone up there still has lots of plans in store for them. I just hope they're happier where they are now.

Please pray for Camille S. Ilustre. I may not know her personally, but my heart still goes out to her.