October 9, 2004
just breathe...
Not less than 2 hours ago, I was sitting in front of Mish and Nicco at Wendy's.
During one silent moment, four words keep echoing in my head.
"How committed are you?"
It was the question we kept asking the additional cast who had auditioned for us. And that time, we were staring at my updated list of cast members. Commitment. Where are they?
Then a sudden flashback. Summer of 2003. Me and the rest of the Bye Bye Birdie cast sitting in front of Jennie. She was asking each of us what our goals in life are. When it was my turn, I proudly said...
"I want to produce my own show."
I was ready to smile at the thought.
Instead, I felt hot tears in my eyes, partly hidden by the glare of the light reflected on my glasses. The tears crept closer to the edge, wanting to spill out. But a few deep breaths pushed it back. No, I can't let anyone see me break down. I won't. No one has ever seen me cry in public.
Did they notice? I think I heard Mish say "Don't cry" or something. Or was I hearing things?
It's just that... I feel as if everything's getting crazy.
To CLOKWORX and other cast members... Guys, if may pagkukulang ako in anything, I apologize. I know sometimes I can be slow, and some people have to push me to keep going. Let me know if I'm not doing anything or not doing anything right. I'm pushing myself harder this time.
But the catch... I can't always be the buffer. It seems like every time pessimism comes our way, di ako pwedeng mabad-trip because everyone is already doing so.
Plus, you guys know how I hate working with friends? Because I don't want to get into situations where nag-iinitan na ng ulo to the point na naglalabasan na ng sama ng loob sa isa't isa.
At around 4 in the morning, I had this awful tight feeling in my chest that I can't seem to figure out where it had come from. A sign?
When I said goodbye to Mish and Nicco and boarded an FX taxi for home, I bent my head and the tears automatically fell. I must've looked like an idiot. I felt like one too. Because I'm not supposed to break down. Not when I still have work to do.
Why the hell am I getting too emotional?
Argh.
During one silent moment, four words keep echoing in my head.
"How committed are you?"
It was the question we kept asking the additional cast who had auditioned for us. And that time, we were staring at my updated list of cast members. Commitment. Where are they?
Then a sudden flashback. Summer of 2003. Me and the rest of the Bye Bye Birdie cast sitting in front of Jennie. She was asking each of us what our goals in life are. When it was my turn, I proudly said...
"I want to produce my own show."
I was ready to smile at the thought.
Instead, I felt hot tears in my eyes, partly hidden by the glare of the light reflected on my glasses. The tears crept closer to the edge, wanting to spill out. But a few deep breaths pushed it back. No, I can't let anyone see me break down. I won't. No one has ever seen me cry in public.
Did they notice? I think I heard Mish say "Don't cry" or something. Or was I hearing things?
It's just that... I feel as if everything's getting crazy.
To CLOKWORX and other cast members... Guys, if may pagkukulang ako in anything, I apologize. I know sometimes I can be slow, and some people have to push me to keep going. Let me know if I'm not doing anything or not doing anything right. I'm pushing myself harder this time.
But the catch... I can't always be the buffer. It seems like every time pessimism comes our way, di ako pwedeng mabad-trip because everyone is already doing so.
Plus, you guys know how I hate working with friends? Because I don't want to get into situations where nag-iinitan na ng ulo to the point na naglalabasan na ng sama ng loob sa isa't isa.At around 4 in the morning, I had this awful tight feeling in my chest that I can't seem to figure out where it had come from. A sign?
When I said goodbye to Mish and Nicco and boarded an FX taxi for home, I bent my head and the tears automatically fell. I must've looked like an idiot. I felt like one too. Because I'm not supposed to break down. Not when I still have work to do.
Why the hell am I getting too emotional?
Argh.
Posted by tymeless on October 9, 2004 at 01:48 AM | 2 director's note(s)
mimay (guest)
whateva
