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It's the little things that bother me. Sure, it may just be somewhat trivial information, but it's still public information that you give out about yourself. I could've at least been given fair warning, as I'm involved. Just brooding. OK sana kung nameless eh, pero ibang iba ang nilagay mo. It may be "wala lang" for you, but I can't help it kung apektado ako, as it means something to me. Petty, I know. But it still bothers me.

OK, end of rant.

Anyway.

When we arrived at Kuya Richie's house in Cavite yesterday, we saw that the last installment of Indiana Jones was playing on HBO (I got to catch the marathon the night before). We brought up more old movies, and Ate Shang mentioned that she got to catch Footloose. I got to watch it again earlier.

During the scene where Ren faced the city council, he quoted from the famous Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, that there's a time to every purpose under heaven. As I never make resolutions, nor enjoy evaluating the year that had passed because half of my decisions are results of my own stubbornness, I guess it was sort of telling me of what to do for 2010.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I remember the first time this passage stuck in my mind until I memorized it in the span of an hour. In rendering class, Icko had told us to illustrate all these verses using a medium of our choice. I first thought that I could never ever make his deadlines because I really suck at drawing. But the passage encouraged me to just keep drawing. Hmmm... I wonder where I had put that particular plate. I'd love to put it up on my wall.

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Wow, I haven't blogged in over a week. It's too early in the year to be a blogging delinquent, hahaha.

I've been busy working on a performance piece with Jenny, Betty and Opa since the year began. We've been getting together at Jenny's house often to discuss the piece, and do what we can about it during that day. I actually liked how our piece progressed, and it's been great learning some new stuff from Jenny. The tricky part about all this, though, is that we don't have an extra pair of eyes observing us every time we rehearse.

Thank goodness we got Rayna to observe us one time. She gave us a lot of feedback, and questions that we realized that we had forgotten to answer. Ria also checked us out during our last rehearsal, and it's good that we got feedback from different points of view.

We once went to Aba Dalena's house so she can draw specific henna tattoo drawings on our arms. At first, we went to the wrong house, so we took a cab to the other house she was staying at, bringing a cake and super sweet snowballs that we got for her. She got to ask each of us if we wanted to have a specific type of look on each of the designs, plus she had to test the Indian henna that she got for this project. I have to say, I love her house. It's cool and cozy, and it's the type of house I wouldn't mind being cooped up in.

This past week or so has been pretty good. It's been quite another experience with Betty, Opa, and of course Jenny, whom I haven't hung out with this much even during our BA days. Round table discussions, sharing and baring it all (not just figuratively, but literally as well), punctuated with random quips.

"Para hindi mo ito maintindihan" is a refreshing outlet for me, and the entire process is pretty cathartic in its own way. I can't wait for this to be shown in public.

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I'm not a big fan of new year resolutions, so I never make any. But of course, because it's the dawn of a new year, I always look forward to something new, and begin with a clean slate.

I'm starting this new decade with some new insights, and new philosophies (huwaw, pa-deep). It really is time to not just wipe the slate clean, but to get a new one to replace the old.

It's about time to stop all the nonsense involving all sorts of crap in the past. Plus it's about time to look more into my relationships with the people I love, to see if they're still worth investing in. Parang Facebook, trim down mo na yung list of friends mo na hindi mo naman talaga kilala dahil nagkakilala lang kayo once or twice. Mean as it may sound, I've told a few friends that I'm ready to cut off certain relationships with others because there's nothing much to hold on to anymore. It's like cutting off a worn piece of string before it actually breaks. Straining it even more might do more damage.


I've mentioned in a blog entry a few months ago that no matter how long you know a person, you still learn something new about them everyday. But I realized that not only does it make your friendships and other relationships more interesting and exciting, it also makes you understand them more as a person. And you grow to love them even more.

This morning I was chatting with a good friend of mine that I've known for years. I was expecting randomness, updates and the usual stuff, but to my surprise, our conversation shifted to a more serious note, and I ended up discovering something new about his past. Before, I only had an inkling about the stuff he shared, and it was quite touching to know how much he trusted me with this. Once the stories were set straight, I had the urge to give him a hug, but because we were just chatting online, a virtual hug would just have to do, hahaha. It was still kind of early for high drama this morning, ahehe.


I've recently gotten addicted to the music of Rock of Ages. Yes, just now, hahaha. Funny, I've never seen an episode of American Idol when Constantine Maroulis was there, except for that one time when he sang "Bohemian Rhapsody," so it's only now that I've noticed that he actually looks hot. Or maybe it's just the "gwapo role" of Drew that made me notice him? Hahahaha.


I've been offered to do something productive this summer. Of course, my first impulse was to say yes, but I had to say that I'm still uncertain because I want to return to one of my regular outlets. Oh well, we'll see how things turn out.

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The first leg of Para hindi mo ito maintindihan was last Friday night. Thanks to Shotlist bar and Hubert Tibi for letting us use the venue. It was pretty small, but I actually liked the intimacy of the space.

Betty, Jenny, Opa and I met up at McDo near the Quezon Ave MRT and after a quick early dinner, we hopped on a cab and headed straight to Shotlist. None of us had ever been there before, but thank goodness it wasn't that hard to find if you have the address handy.

Surveyed the small space, and after retouching our henna tattoos (which are fading really quickly than we had expected) with "permanent" washable markers, we decided to find a way to make use of the space. We finally decided to adjust and make it a theater-in-the-round so it wouldn't be such a hassle. After adjustment, we immediately changed into our white shirts and basically just hung around. Pasta and vodka, yum.

A few minutes before 9pm, we started warming up in front of our meager audience. Hahaha, I have to admit, it felt like a DTR. But we managed to discuss certain notes about that performance.

By the way, thanks to Carms and Jay for taking the time to come and watch!

More people came in time for the 10pm show, including Ian and Blonski. Enough of the DTR treatment. Haha, it's so funny how we quipped after both performances about how "light" it was. After the 2nd show, we all gathered around Ian so we can all listen to what he had to say about what we did. The other spectators also joined in on the discussion, making things more animated, and somewhat hilarious. Yes, this is a "light" piece, hahaha.

For those who are curious about our performance piece, we'll be performing Para hindi mo ito maintindihan tomorrow night at Mag:net Katipunan as part of Happy Mondays Poetry Night. We'll be performing at 10pm, so please come and watch!

Para hindi mo ito maintindihan is written by Jenny Logico, performed by Betty Uy-Regala, Christine Cadlum, Opaline Rae Santos and Jenny Logico. Henna tattoo designs by Aba Lluch Dalena, online poster design by Allan Alcantara, and photographs by Ria Torrente.

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Para hindi mo ito maintindihan was performed at last night's Happy Mondays Poetry Night at Mag:net Katipunan. I don't know if we'll be closing this book right away, but the entire journey was a quite a stimulating and refreshing experience.

Our group first met up at Gateway mall before we hailed a cab to Mag:net. I had brought my trusty oil marker so we can retouch our faded henna tattoos before we had dinner. There were already people coming in to hang out and wait for the event so we never really got to rehearse using the space itself. I finally met Opa's former teacher, Joel Toledo, who was the organizer of Happy Mondays. While we were just sitting around, Joel came up to us clutching the lineup and informed us that we would be performing last as a finale. Huwaw.

So we just hung around some more, talked, as people kept trickling in. The event began sometime around 8:40 in the evening, as Joel had said that they were still waiting for the Batute group to arrive. I have to admit, I have never been to a poetry reading before, so it was refreshing to be at an event such at this. I actually enjoyed that story this one guy read about this girl that was a serial dater. I loved it.

We decided to change into our white T-shirts after the first set of readings, so we headed downstairs to change, warm-up, and throw lines. We ended up staying there until after the intermission, so we never got to watch the Batutes, which my LJ friend Siege is part of.

Went back upstairs after the first reader of the second set, and just stood in the back until everyone was finished. Then finally it was showtime. I honestly had no idea where to position myself, as it seemed that Jenny, Betty and Opa had already chosen specific areas. So I settled myself on a seat at a table near the front where a couple of readers from the first set were sitting.

I have to say, performing at different venues gives this piece a different look each time. You have the opportunity to play around with the space that you have.

Super thanks to those who came and watched! Sir Dennis was there within half an hour after we had texted him the invite. Jenny's friends are so loyal, hahaha. They had already seen us perform at Shotlist, and they were back at Mag:net. Ian also came back to watch, and dragged Nicco along with him, wahahaha. Speaking of Nicco, he had such a funny yet positive way to tell me how I gained weight. Thanks to that, baby bro, hahahaha!

Thanks again to Aba Lluch Dalena for the henna tattoos, to Allan Alcantara for our online poster design, and Ria Torrente for our pictorial photos.

And of course, a million thank yous to my Ingenue buds, Betty Uy-Regala, Jenny Logico and Opaline Rae Santos. The polar bear gave us more than just salmon (and 2 weeks supply of hotdogs, hahaha). We were introduced to more intimate round-table discussions, Grotowski, Artaud, and Colgate. Lab, lab all.

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My aunt Lety and cousins Liezl and Sergio arrived from Washington last Tuesday night. My parents and I picked them up at the airport. I was so excited to see them because I literally haven't seen them in years. The last time I saw Tita Lety was about 11 years ago, during her last visit here in Manila. Same with Ate Liezl, as she was also with Tita Lety during that visit. Kuya Serge was the one that I hadn't seen since I was 8 years old, back when I visited them in the US with my mom and brother.

It was easy to spot Ate Liezl and Tita Lety the moment they appeared at the arrival area. Kuya Serge was the one I hardly recognized, because I haven't even seen pictures of him after our visit. He was quiet, but wore a thin smile the whole time we were standing there, waiting for the van to pick us up. He knew my mom, and of course my dad because they introduced themselves while I was still talking to Ate Liezl. The moment we were all seated in the van, he sat next to me and whispered, "Who are you?" Hahahaha, so of course I had to tell him which cousin I was. No one could really blame him, as he hasn't set foot in the Philippines since they left the country in 1978 (or was it 1979?). Yep, I have a cousin who's 13 years old than I am, but still acts like about 10 years younger sometimes, hahaha. Ate Liezl is 2 years younger than Kuya Serge, but she still looks like she's in her twenties.

We had a lot of relatives come over at our house last Wednesday, as a sort of reunion for Tita Lety, Kuya Serge and Ate Liezl. I woke up at 7 in the morning to the sound of my phone ringing, and it was my nephew Artem calling to say that he was on his way to our house that very moment. By noon, there were lots of people in our house. At one point during the morning while Kuya Serge was sitting next to me, he always kept asking me in a whisper who was this and who was that, so that he won't mix up people's names. It was so fun, because some of our cousins that we haven't seen in a while (like Artem, but he's really a nephew) were there, we were all eating, drinking, talking and laughing the whole time.

Yesterday, Tita Beng and I went with Tita Lety, Kuya Serge and Ate Liezl to Cavite City to visit our grandparents' graves at Himlayang Caviteno. Tita Zenia even joined us for a while with some goodies to snack on. We headed to SM Bacoor for lunch, and it was hilarious how Tita Lety and Tita Beng zoomed in on this place at the food court that sold fish dishes, while my cousins and I settled at Tokyo Tokyo. We were talking about how they feel as if I would love it in Seattle, and I know I would too. Eventually we came to an agreement about my next visit to Seattle. I can't wait.

This morning, the 3 of us woke up early to walk to the Philamlife park to jog. Tita Lety and Tita Beng walked with us to the next village, and then we all set off on our different paces. I haven't jogged in ages, so I was pretty out of shape, but I managed to keep up with Ate Liezl even though I slowed down a bit. When we were done going around the path a few times, Kuya Serge then taught me some exercises that I could do to target certain areas of my body. Huwaw, it was like I had 2 trainers with me at the park, hahaha. I was sweating like a pig, but it felt great. When we were done, Dad drove my aunts back home, but my cousins and I opted to walk the whole way back. While we were walking, it was so flattering how they said that they could take me anywhere, as I'm pretty easy to please. Hey, I'm a simple girl with simple pleasures, hahaha.

I joined them again when they went to SM Mall of Asia during late afternoon today until early evening. I had an intimate cast "party" for Para hindi mo ito maintindihan with Jenny, Betty and Opa at Jenny's house during the early afternoon, but I managed to catch up with my aunts and cousins. Walked around the mall, shopped a little, and walked around some more until my aunts got tired and decided to just stay put on a bench while we kept on going around. Kuya Serge was like such a little kid, just walking around on his own and kept curiously staring (not looking, but staring) at things, hahaha.

We decided to grab dinner at Highlands Steakhouse. They food was a little pricey, but they didn't mind, because the servings were really huge. Hehe, Ate Liezl and I even had Mai Tais with our steaks, and I can't believe I finished the whole thing, including the side dishes. Huwaw, now that's what I call a good dinner.

One funny thing. Ever since Kuya Serge found out what our birth names were, he insisted on calling me and Ate Shang as Christine and Kathrina. Hahaha, it still takes a little bit of getting used to. And he even told us not to call him Kuya, and just Serge, but I still insist on calling him Kuya Serge.

Time to hit the sack. Need to wake up early for second day of jogging tomorrow.

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My dad was born and raised in Palawan, in the small island of Culion (yes, the country's former leper colony). For as long as I can remember, I told my aunt that I want to visit Palawan one day, but she told me that it would be easier to visit when they finally have electricity 24 hours a day. As of now, they only have electricity in Culion from 6 in the evening until 12 midnight.

While Tita Lety, Kuya Serg and Ate Liezel were visiting Manila, they decided to come visit Palawan as well. Ate Liezel booked a flight for Tita Lety, Kuya Serg and herself, plus Tita Beng and Tita Lyn. I wanted to come as well, but I didn't want to invite myself. But the day after the tickets have been booked, Ate Liezel came up to me and asked me if I could go. So she got a ticket for me as well.

We left on Sunday morning. I was super excited to finally see Palawan, as relatives (Palawan locals) kept saying how beautiful it was over there. I ended up sitting next to Kuya Serg on the plane (Tita Let sat with Ate Liezel while Tita Beng and Tita Lyn sat together). Because we didn't have much to talk about with each other, we talked about exercise regimes that I should follow ever since we three started jogging together. A few minutes into that, we dropped the topic and ended up leafing through the in-flight magazines while listening to our iPods.

We reached Busuanga Island an hour later and boarded a shuttle to KokosNuss Resort in the town of Coron, where we will be staying during our entire trip. On the way there, I immediately saw beautiful untouched land as we drove by. Checked in and dumped our stuff in our respective rooms (Tita Lety and Tita Lyn in one of the large bungalows, Tita Beng and I in one of the smaller ones, and Ate Liezel and Kuya Serg in another), then took a tricycle to Bistro Coron (a highly-recommended eating place owned by a French guy) for lunch. Found out that the place being used for the Bistro is owned by an elderly friend of my aunts, Ate Rosa, so she came and joined us. My cousins and I ordered a large pizza, and despite the cheap price, it was really large, filling, and pretty good.

After lunch, we had planned to spend the entire afternoon visiting Culion, so off we went to this pier called Lambingan. We had hired a boat (Ate Evie's contact) to take us there and back. Once we were in the water, I ended up just gawking at everything I saw. The views were awesome. Never mind that the waves splashed water at our boat and clothes, I was having a blast just taking everything in.

The boat ride to Culion lasted about an hour, and we walked directly to Tita Beng's house, known as "the kitchenette." Nanay Ila and Kellanie immediately appeared the moment we arrived. I have to say, Tita Beng's place was pretty nice, and she had always said that she wants to spruce it up even more. But even with that alone, I like the homey feel of the place. In one corner hung a photo of my grandmother when she was a young girl, and I couldn't resist admiring how beautiful she was.

All of us (except Kellanie) then hired 2 tricycles to take us around Culion. We first went to the cemetery to visit Tito Edmund's grave. He was an uncle I hardly knew, but we shared the same birthday. Then my aunts wanted to see the old San Jose church, so off we went. I found out that it was right across Holy Angels Kindergarten, where all my aunts and uncles, and even my cousin Beverley, went to for kindergarten. Photo ops galore inside the old church, then we were back on the tricycles to visit the big church. We even stopped somewhere along the road, and that's where I saw my grandparents' old house. Sadly, there are other people living in it now, but man, when I looked out to sea, I envied my aunts and uncles for growing up and seeing such a beautiful view like that every day.

The big church was super beautiful, and we even went around in the back, and saw and equally gorgeous view of the sea. A little more walking led us to this practically new hotel called Hotel Maya, and we decided to check it out. The accommodations were pretty nice, and the prices were cheap. Now I know where I can get my friends and I to stay if ever we visit Culion.

One thing I noticed about Kuya Serg, he never spoke a word of Filipino until that day, even if it was just one-word sentences, hahaha. I know Ate Liezel speaks a little Filipino every once in a while.

It was time to get back on the boat so we could be back in Coron by sunset. The water was tamer than it was earlier in the day, and no one got wet anymore because we decided not to sit on the benches up front anymore, hahaha.

Once back in Coron, we had dinner at Kawayanan Grill, which reminded me of every other grill in Manila. When I saw they served sisig, I immediately ordered that and ignored the seafood dishes, ahehe.

The following morning (Monday), we basically just hung around the resort, but had planned to go to the Maquinit hot springs in the afternoon. We were told by Ate Rosa's son, Tawini, that the hot springs can get really scalding hot from noon until about 3:30 in the afternoon, so we decided to go there at 4:30. Ate Liezel, Kuya Serg and I were pretty content lounging around outside in the hammocks, while my aunts stayed in the air-conditioned rooms, especially after lunch right there at the resort. We got a little bored for a while so we got Tita Beng to take us around the town. We ended up looking at some souvenir shops, and even saw a little accident at an intersection when we sat down on a bench to people-watch. We also checked out the pier plus the nearby Hotel Michelangelo, which is an functional-yet-in-the-works establishment by an Italian man.

Tawini picked us up promptly at 4:30 in his van (he works as one of the shuttle drivers at the Busuanga airport) and drove us, plus his mom, to Maquinit. Unfortunately, it was that time of the month for me, so all of us ended up just dipping our legs in the water. Huwaw, that hot water felt really good.

Tita Lety and Tita Lyn decided to retire back to the resort after our visit to the hot springs, while Tita Beng joined my cousins and me to Mount Tapyas. We had decided to climb all 724 steps up to the top to the cross to see the view of all of Coron and to catch the sunset. Tita Beng stopped at 170-something steps, while we kept climbing all the way up. I was a couple of steps behind Ate Liezel the whole time, already panting while still halfway up the mountain. Kuya Serg went up all the steps pretty quickly, not even stopping for a second's rest. When he passed by this group of college-age kids who were ahead of us taking a break, then just gawked at him in amazement as he climbed more steps as if he never got tired. I felt as if the steps could go on forever, until Ate Liezel said that we only had 4 more flights to go. I was sweaty, already panting like a dog, and I felt as if my lungs were burning. Had I known we were going all the way up to the top of the mountain, I should've worn shorts and a tank top.

Finally, we reached the top. Hahaha, we all noticed that there were only a handful of women (including some foreigners) at the top. One Japanese woman who saw us scale the last few steps smiled at us and said, "Girl power." Hahaha, oh yes. We found Kuya Serg at this little hut at the edge of the very top, and Ate Liezel suggested that we go over to him. That was when I admitted that I have acrophobia, hahahaha! And I just had to say it once we were already at the top. I didn't want to say anything because I was dying to see the sunset at the top of the mountain. So anyway, we walked over to where Kuya Serg was, and we noticed that the little hut's wooden posts were vandalized by people who had reached the top. They had written their names on the wood and the date that they came, and we had the same idea. We didn't have a pen or a marker on us, but Ate Liezel improvised and used her liquid eyeliner to write our names, ahehehe.

Once Kuya Serg had found out about my fear of heights, he made me stand somewhere a little farther out so I can see a lot more of how high we were. Holy kamote, that was HIGH. I was squealing like a baby half the time he made me go farther, hahaha. Ate Liezel even took a video of it.

We finally went back down to where Tita Beng was, and saw that she wasn't alone. A couple of waterboys kept her company as long as we buy water from them, plus there was this other guy who decided to stop climbing and let his wife and kids go ahead up the steps. We were told by the waterboys that it was better to climb Mount Tapyas first before going to Maquinit Hot Springs so a dip in the water would be more than refreshing. The guy noticed how young we looked, so we asked him to guess how old we were. He thought Kuya Serg was 25 (he's 43), Ate Liezel was 22 (she's 40), and I was 18. Hahahahahaha!

Back to the resort for showers and dinner. We were trying to enjoy our last night in Palawan, but Tita Lyn just had to make a scene. She was already complaining about trivial stuff ever since we arrived, but what she did during dinner was more than enough. Ended with Tita Lety moving to my room while Tita Beng had to switch and stay with Tita Lyn in the other room. Oh well.

Kuya Serg started speaking more Filipino by morning, and kept talking to me in his "barok" Filipino. He kept at it even before our plane took off, and didn't stop until after we had landed back in Manila, hahaha! He had decided to practice more Filipino until they had to leave for Washington two days later (which was this morning).

Palawan was a blast. I can't wait to come back, and maybe stay over at Tita Beng's place when she's there.

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All good things must come to an end. After a 9-day visit, my Aunt Lety and cousins Kuya Sergio and Ate Liezel had gone back home to the US yesterday.Our house, which had been noisy and full of people coming in and out for the past several days, is now quiet once again.

I had a lot of fun having those 3 here. I was too young and timid the last time Tita Lety and Ate Liezel had last visited Manila back when I was in high school, and I hardly knew anything about Kuya Serg because I was 7 years old when I last saw him. But during this visit, I've been out jogging in the park with my cousins in the morning, plus a bit of exercise training and talks about eating habits. It was amusing tagging along with Ate Lizzy shop, with Kuya Serg always wandering away like a kid. I never thought I'd get along with them that well despite the age and how long we haven't seen each other. I even ended up being Kuya Serg's Filipino tutor as he struggled to keep speaking in Filipino during the last couple of days they were here.

During their last night in Manila, I noticed my cousins hunched over Ate Lizzy's work laptop half the time, looking over something. Later in the night, they called me to the guest bedroom where they were staying and told me that something's arriving in the mail for me in a couple of weeks. I was speechless once I found out what they got for me, after all they've done already. Thank you, Kuya Serg and Ate Lizzy!


In other news about parting, yep, I'm single again. But it wasn't a bad breakup, really. At first it was abrupt, but it took a couple of long talks to make things bearable. Yes, I'm a fighter and a lover at the same time, but when things aren't supposed to happen at a certain time, you have to deal with it. I heard cliche stuff, like he needed some time alone to find the missing pieces that he had lost. Plus he said na "kailangan lang niya ako hanapin ulit." Don't want to elaborate too much anymore, but we parted in good terms today. Before we had met up, I was hoping we could just go back to square one. But we ended up going one more step backward, as friends. So we're not together, "for now," he said. To quote an Avenue Q song, "Everything in life is only for now."

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Betty had posted a note in Facebook about our Para hindi mo ito maintindihan experience. I just had to post it here.



Unsafe and In Pain
Postscript to para hindi mo ito maintindihan
Para kina Polar Bear Jenny, Hogi at Opa
By Betty Uy-Regala

In the sacred dining area of the Logico residence where we first bared our breasts, Hogi said in our last meeting/cast party that she blogs so she could remember. Opa and I countered that if they are good memories, there is no need to write them down because they will always be with you. But what we did is too important for me not to write about it.

It is important because it was more than doing a creative work. It was an opportunity to spend time with people I respect and admire. People I love. I will miss Opa’s nakagugulat epiphanic episodes (calm down Opaline, nag-uusap lang tayo) to build on Jenny’s suggestions, and the gentle way Hogi would shyly offer hers.

Ian asked about our process after the two runs at Hubert's Shotlist Productions Office-Bar-Tambayan. We did not have any, I said. We had more chika time than actual work. Ian surmised that it leaned more on improvisation, the same process practiced by the Actors’ Pleygrawnd. Roence invited us to do an all-female performance with the group. YEHES, Ingenue collaborates with AP. Paging Roence.

This was our "process" Ian: we arrive in Jenny’s house, I am usually late. We gather around the dining table to gobble whatever Gina or Jenny cooked for us. We yak a long time over brunch or late lunch regarding local colas, old people, the many wonderful uses of Colgate, other actors, Grotowski, Artaud, juLOgWz SpEeeKh, Stanislavsky, beauty tips, cheter chismis, plans or non-plans for the year. After we’re talked out or when Jenny reminds us of the time, we go up to the second floor to work on the piece.

Our process was informal. But it did not make what we were doing less important. We had a lot of unforgettable moments in the second floor, our acting space.

A long side note: I haven’t heard of JG (I call Grotowski such dahil close kami) until Jenny mentioned him. Most of his insights I have actually done prior to Jenny’s introduction of him. I acted in shows in wet markets for a food company to create disruptions, proving that performance (theatre arts specifically for JG) can occur without a stage, without lights, without costumes, and without a script. Although I had a costume and a script for the UFC project, I realized that you could really perform just about anywhere. Ba naman, palengke ng Tarlac, Laguna at Commonwealth.

JG’s definitions of theatre and acting were deduced by subtraction and sculpting. Theatre is the actor and the audience. Acting is chiseling away of the daily masks that the actor wears. In my interpretation, he is espousing a return to the basics, a return to the pure form. But what is the pure form if all our actions and reactions are learned responses. This is something I am investigating on.

I was also inspired by the GMA 7 raket we did for the network’s Christmas special. We told stories through expressions and movements sans words while Regine Velasquez and the other celebrities sang.

In the midst of these acting projects in the last quarter of last year, I texted Opa saying I am more of an actor now than I am a writer. It feels good to be called an actor. I feel privileged. NAKANA. But acting exacts demands on the actor’s body. So after every shoot, show, and rehearsal, I sleep like the dead.

I told Jenny in one of our many talks that acting happens in the now. You do it in the now. Which makes it a lot like life. Unlike writing where the writer can revise or edit after. I likewise agreed with Ime that a lot of people are better actors than they realize with all the hypocrisies they put on show. I hate hypocrites. Let's be honest about being dishonest people.

I remember one rehearsal when we shared things that are painful to us. Jenny asked Hogi in connection to her part in the performance, which did not sound like someone in pain but more like a kid playing. A kid who was mimicking the sound of an airplane. Before she asked, Jenny told us about that turbulent period of her life in New York which produced the "para hindi mo ito maintindihan" piece. She discovered the many ways of crying. She cried in coughs, shrieks, laughs, and in silences. She cried when she was not crying. Jenny, my grasshopper, an emo girl in NYC.

I shared JG’s scalpel analogy of using the character to cut onto the actor’s core to reveal to the audience his pains, hoping that the audience members would be encouraged to tell something very personal to them, as well, with others. People do not, however, usually risk opening themselves like this because it is unsafe. It makes them vulnerable. It opens them up for pain.

Hogi cried when I reminded her of a former boyfriend who made her run the stretch of Vito Cruz so she could expend her anger and hide her tears from passers-by. Cinematic ang drama ng tao, I swear. I told Hogi that I had always liked him for her because he was the unsafe choice. He was someone who could bring Hogi down because he could take her up just as high.

Another memory I have is when we were in the Logico sala, waiting for Ria before the scheduled photo shoot the following week. I said rehearsals for this short piece were very exhausting to me because I give a lot of myself to the character. After the Shotlist performance, Waise asked how I manage not getting lost in the character or how the character doesn’t stay with me after the performance. Buti naman yo. I replied that maybe because I see her as someone totally different from me though we may have similar experiences.

I share with you guys the most important and mostly unimportant details of my life and I am thankful that you also trust me enough in sharing your secrets with me. I think that is the essence of JG's book, Towards A Poor Theatre: a (painful) story for a (painful) story so we could know each other better. I love the three of you more because I got to know you a little better.

I already miss our rehearsals/chika time. I loved doing "para hindi mo ito maintindihan". I loved performing with you guys. I love you people very much.

I write this with tears. Now Ian, this IS pure emo shit. And okay lang naman.